Life After School.

@ job week 2

2012-01-10T06:42:00.000-08:00

its been feeling like days stuck at the school's bookshop everyday from 9am to 4pm. plus, there is this horrible stench in the bookshop after so many days my colleague had apparently brought food that the smell is so strong it can stay for days. not trying to be rude but i really couldn't stand it. i must remind myself to bring a perfume there tomorrow. and must not care bout spraying ridsect all over cause mosquitoes are breeding somewhere and they are getting into the bookshop. after so many days working in tarcisian, i just realized that some kids, well like 10 of them will surely come back to the bookshop few times a day or once everyday. seriously, i can tell that they arent really buying what they need. they are bookSHOPPING! theres these two malay girls that i think they are twins. for a few days, they come to buy buy buy stationaries. they dont use the money to buy food. eventhough i knew the food in the primary canteen is not worth the money. CHEATING KIDS that is.

then today i sort of got annoyed. when we were about to close the shop. these kids, i mean like twenty of them come running down like they are rich fellas waiting to flung money.lol. damnit, next time i'm gonna do it MY way so that these girls will not come during the afternoon recess time (: kids are just so innocent and annoying ones at the same time.

lost my way

2012-01-03T06:53:00.000-08:00

tell me something i dont know. dont be too careful. tell me what you have in mind. alright, i'm freaking lost in my first eighteen. honestly,

I love you. I'm just to afraid to say, in case you don't feel the same. via twitter.

confessions of a eighteen year old.

2012-01-03T06:08:00.000-08:00

yup, finally i'm eighteen now. this morning i wasnt feeling happy at all. why should i be sad on my birthday? i just don't know why. my mood is the same as those sad ballads. just eff it. something is just not right, why and how i dont know. work sucked today. i almost have to get my pay cut off twenty bucks. i've forgot bout the extras a customer should pay, gave extra books, took the wrong amount of change, almost took the wrong books. why is it so? feeling ever so down. those birthday wishes dont make sense to me today. i wish i was back in school doing the things i like. i really missed everyone. its been so different since life then ended.
it was just an excuse to remind a friend of mine for a birthday meal, i wanted to have a break from this depression from going on. in reality, i just want something simple like watching a movie and someone to talk to. so probly if i breakdown,it doesnt have to be a major depression. really dont want to stay this way. working hasnt made any difference, its just a barrier stopping me from thinking.
i just need my good friends for a short time. and i'll be fine (:

satu lapan

2012-01-02T04:55:00.000-08:00

mom and dad gave me a very awesome dinner today. had my big tummy filled to the max (: love you both.

i'm kinda sluggish sometimes.

2012-01-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

sometimes, you just need to get a getaway. they nag you day in day out. okay, now you got a job (boring one) but you'll still come home to an empty room. this is really kinda too quiet sometimes. you would wanna do this or that but in reality think again. no one knows where you are, even your best friends whom you've known for years dont seem to know it all. the first and last time any of your friends came, it makes no difference cause apparently someone came to be with someone and used my invitation as an opportunity. sigh, does love really matter that much to you? so real, thinking now i'm just a day away from being officially eighteen. thinking thinking & thinking. i'm just feeling a lil down with no heck of a reason. missing the old times i've had last year,sad that its gone. but i know i'll feel better if i get to see someone's smile right now. just not what fate has in mind for me yet. please tell me something to make me smile again like a child. so many things in my mind right now, so many thoughts that i couldnt even trust myself to think. feeling like things have gone so far away. just hoping to find a way to get back on the road, so far the new job is kinda dull though and really really new for me. hmm, i just want to have my life back in a way not even my friends could forget me. i tried cheering myself up, but failed.

is it because i'm a very quiet person that no one would remember what they promised thinking i would shut my mouth bout it?
tried contacting friends, but it seems our conversations wouldnt go more than ten words. just Hello, How are you, oh, uhm ,ah, i see, ok, bye and fake smileys. mostly. how bad comunication is. eg ; good friend going overseas, promised to meet up after her papers are done, but now she totally forgot it like i didnt exist. guess some famous-girl-forgets-quiet-friend thing does happen to me all the time.i'll get use to it. so many not having the time to do things together. i wonder if i could survive this 3 months?

i need to feel secured,not lost.

2012 #1

2011-12-31T09:56:00.000-08:00

Hapi Neu Yah. (: its 2012. 48 more hours later, i'm officially eighteen. sounding kinda grown up though.
anyway, dont bother no ones gonna view this blog.

nomatter you are my sista my brotha my famm my friends my colleagues whatever, love you guys (:
Capricorns rule eheh. ;P

Another end of the year (:

2011-12-31T06:43:00.000-08:00

its 31st December 2011. last day of the year. it's been very memorable as life has been and probably i've found things and lost some in the whole journey. my last year as a senior in high school, my last year in mgs. i'll miss the great teachers, great friends and loves. may the year end well and begin well all over again.
2012 please be good to me. i'l promise to be good. (: going to be eighteen very very soon. however i'll be working till 5pm. sigh. no movie night out, i'm broke, and probably getting really tired then. was really hoping for it though,something special perhaps but hmm, none will happen as always.

First day at work.

2011-12-30T05:06:00.000-08:00

well, hari pertama. nothing much of a challenge. just walking around packing books and giving change. my colleagues are mostly malay and are very nice people. even my boss is good (: the very funny thing bout this week is, my driving instructor and colleagues thought a have a boyfriend. i LOLed so hard in front of them saying i dont have one. why? do i look like i have one? o.o scary. does it always have to be 'high school grads should have a boyfriend. if they dont have its something weird' thing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

instructor de conducción y sus colegas cree que tengo un novio? i no tiene uno! miedo ..
(translated in spanish)

nowadays i'm getting more interested in learning spanish buuuut, its so hard to talk. D;

Cinderella's sister

2011-12-27T07:32:00.000-08:00

i'm actually addicted to this series. love the coporate woman figure Moon Geun Young, always my fav actress. ~~if she doesnt act like a kid, thats fine~~. she is just so awesome (; i cant help but feeling real sad for not watching the first few episodes. gahhhh!!!

moon geun young. loves (:

He is the boy next door! *drools* :3

Y U SO HAWT? :D

Part of the team. Love the DAD!

wishes & resolution

2011-12-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

All i want for my birthday is... sushhhh. ~~hoping someone would remember what thou promised eventhough i'm just keeping quiet bout it?~~ nevermind bout that. i just hoped my buddies remember me,not only when they see my facebook. sigh. i do hoped for something different this year since i'm gonna be eighteen but, i guess i'l be celebrating it by working. :/ not knowing which school will i be working at.

how cute seeing this two kids dance when i've never dance before though. i'd probly will have two left feet.cause there's no prom in mgs. :P how good is it to be not fat, smarty-pants and full of confidence? this is life. i cant disagree with the fact that i love good food, good music, good movies, good people, and good memories. apparently,i have the time for all this to happen. once or twice, you've got me but its not the right time like i say, awesome food only gives me fats. its like loving burgers but not daring enough to gobble that nice juicy beef burger! haha. yum yummm.

this year is another disappointment. i cant go kl to countdown with them. perhaps i gotta wait till cny, which sounds so far away. not mentioning march. ugh. just wanna go back to school to study after that cause its dead bored staying home so long when so many are busy with their own events. i miss all of them. thats what i say everytime.

Dreamers by Alissa Beyer

2011-12-24T19:43:00.001-08:00

Moon light dancing across the bedroom floor
Picture perfect just like the night before
Here we are breathing the air again
Waiting on somebody to turn us in
Secret lovers, undercover
Chasing the wind

Running far away
Running from the day

'Cause we're only dreamers
Counting on love to survive
As long as you stay
We'll find out a way to get by
As dreamers who can't close our eyes, Our eyes

So let it take us away
Put your hand in mine
Let the world start to fade
We'll give this a try
And as he gives me away
Look in these golden eyes

'Cause you're in love with a dreamer
Counting on love to survive

'Cause we're only dreamers
Counting on love to survive
As long as you stay
We'll find out a way to get by
As dreamers who can't close our eyes

This is one wery lovely song (:

christmas, where's the magic?

2011-12-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

its christmas 2011. nah, another night i cant sleep early. guessing why would i have so many things to think in my mind. its just so frustrating sometimes.ytd. i lost my apportunity to get a job in jusco. heck, someone was earlier than me. well i guess working life seems..i dont know though. ahh why do i need to bother? i still can wait for form 6! i miss school,reallyyyyyy much. can't wait to go visit the teachers and kids again. time flies, 5 years?! there goes all the experience, memories and wounds. would never forget that i was in the most rebellious part of my life,the forbidden secret,the great leap,the deep gash,the target, the fun, the tears. hmmm, *dreaming.

Ain't nothing gonna be the same (:

2011-12-12T06:49:00.000-08:00

yup, i'm back to blogging after SPM. seriously it bores me to the max at home doing cleaning and stuff. ironically, i'm still fat. urghhh. I havent been blogging for such a long time. my hands are itchy. yeah right.
holiday is actually quite dull that i do miss school alot though, everyone from ediboard, form mates, and tuition mates. i'm dying a little inside being sort of alone at home. can't wait for the edi gathering, seriously miss being a buzy bee stuck to the computer screen cracking brains. that was actually fun, really fun. damn i miss the girls. probably nothing in this world will replaced the time i have there. sigh.